Come As You Are
Illuminating the science and fluidity of female sexuality and wellbeing.
Summary of 7 Key Points
Key Points
- The unique nature of female sexuality
- Debunking common sexual myths
- Understanding the ‘dual control model’
- The role of stress and emotion in sex
- Navigating sexual challenges and solutions
- The importance of context in sexual wellbeing
- Empowering women through sexual education
key point 1 of 7
The unique nature of female sexuality
The unique nature of female sexuality is explored in depth, acknowledging the complexity and individuality of each woman’s sexual well-being. The perspective emphasizes that female sexuality is not a monolith but rather a diverse spectrum of experiences, preferences, and responses. It highlights that factors such as biology, personal history, and cultural influences converge to shape a woman’s sexual identity and expression…Read&Listen More
key point 2 of 7
Debunking common sexual myths
The book challenges the myth that there is a ‘normal’ or ‘correct’ way to experience sexuality, emphasizing that sexual wellbeing is not a one-size-fits-all concept. It argues against the common misconceptions that all women should have high, spontaneous desire and that if they do not, there is something wrong with them. Instead, it presents the view that sexual desires are diverse and vary from person to person, changing over time and circumstances…Read&Listen More
key point 3 of 7
Understanding the ‘dual control model’
The ‘dual control model’ is a framework described in the book that explains sexual response. It’s based on the idea that sexual arousal is not the product of a simple on-off switch, but rather the result of two interacting systems – one that turns on arousal (the Sexual Excitation System, or SES) and one that turns it off (the Sexual Inhibition System, or SIS). This model likens sexual response to a car’s accelerator and brakes. The SES is akin to hitting the gas pedal, which sends signals that promote sexual arousal and readiness for sexual activity. On the other hand, the SIS is like the brake, providing signals that dampen sexual arousal or prevent it from occurring altogether…Read&Listen More
key point 4 of 7
The role of stress and emotion in sex
In the book, the author elucidates the intricate relationship between stress, emotion, and sexual well-being. The argument presents that stress operates as a brake on one’s sexual response system. The stress response, which is an evolutionary adaptation meant for survival, can often be triggered in non-life-threatening situations in modern life, such as work pressure or relationship anxieties. These stressors can dampen sexual desire and arousal because the body prioritizes survival responses over reproductive functions…Read&Listen More
key point 5 of 7
Navigating sexual challenges and solutions
Navigating sexual challenges involves understanding that sex is a unique experience for everyone and is influenced by a variety of factors, including stress, mood, and overall well-being. The book emphasizes the importance of context in sexual situations, explaining that what feels arousing or satisfying can vary greatly depending on the individual’s state of mind and environment. It encourages readers to explore what specifically leads to their own sexual well-being rather than adhering to a one-size-fits-all approach…Read&Listen More
key point 6 of 7
The importance of context in sexual wellbeing
In ‘Come As You Are’, the author emphasizes the importance of context in sexual wellbeing by illustrating how a person’s environment, mood, and interpersonal dynamics can significantly influence their sexual desire and experiences. The book argues that sexual wellbeing is not just a physical state but is deeply interconnected with psychological and social factors. It’s explained that an individual’s past experiences, cultural background, and personal beliefs can all shape their sexual context and, consequently, their sexual health and satisfaction…Read&Listen More
key point 7 of 7
Empowering women through sexual education
The perspective provided in this narrative is that women can gain empowerment through comprehensive sexual education by better understanding their own bodies, desires, and the science of sexuality. The book presents an in-depth exploration of the female sexual anatomy, debunking myths and misconceptions that have historically been pervasive. It highlights the complexity and individuality of female sexual wellbeing, emphasizing that women’s sexual experiences are not monolithic but rather a diverse spectrum influenced by a myriad of factors including biology, emotional well-being, and cultural context…Read&Listen More