It’s OK That You’re Not OK
A profound exploration of grief that challenges conventional wisdom about healing from loss.
Summary of 7 Key Points
Key Points
- The cultural myth of ‘moving on’ from grief
- The importance of acknowledging and honoring grief
- The limitations of traditional grief therapy
- Creating a safe space for your pain
- Companioning vs. treating: a new model of grief support
- The transformative power of grief
- Grief isn’t a problem to be solved, but a presence awaiting recognition
key point 1 of 7
The cultural myth of ‘moving on’ from grief
Our societal norms often dictate that we should ‘move on’ from grief, as if it’s a temporary state that one can simply leave behind. This perspective emphasizes the idea that grief is an experience to be gotten over, as quickly as possible, and preferably out of sight. People are expected to return to their ‘normal’ life after a brief period of mourning, often showing resilience and growth in the process. This belief seems to stem from a fear of death and a discomfort with the emotions associated with loss, leading to a desire to remove these feelings from our lives. However, such an outlook could potentially trivialize the deep emotional impact of loss and negate the validity of ongoing grief…Read&Listen More
key point 2 of 7
The importance of acknowledging and honoring grief
In ‘It’s OK That You’re Not OK’, the author emphasizes the importance of acknowledging and honoring grief. Dismissing sorrow as a mere emotional disturbance that should be hastily moved through and forgotten is counterproductive. Instead, its importance lies in its ability to serve as a mechanism for self-discovery. Grief, when acknowledged and honored, allows the individual to traverse the depths of their humanity, explore the profundity of loss, and ultimately, gain a renewed understanding of their existence in the world…Read&Listen More
key point 3 of 7
The limitations of traditional grief therapy
The limitations of traditional grief therapy become evident in the light of the philosophy that it’s ok to not be ok. Traditional grief therapy is often based on the concept of ‘stages of grief’, where the grieving individual is expected to go through certain emotional stages such as denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. However, this perspective seems to imply that grief is a linear process, with a set beginning and end. This can create a pressure on the individual to ‘progress’ and ‘move on’. It makes them feel as if they’re failing if they do not cycle through these stages within a certain timeline, which is not always the reality of dealing with loss…Read&Listen More
key point 4 of 7
Creating a safe space for your pain
Creating a safe space for your pain is a fundamental concept introduced in the book. This refers to acknowledging your suffering and providing an environment where it can be expressed and experienced freely, without judgment or the need to suppress it. It encourages the reader to cultivate an internal environment that allows for the full breadth of their emotional experiences, even those that are painful or uncomfortable. This is a radical departure from societal norms, which often demand that we present a happy, polished exterior, even when we are privately struggling. It suggests that we need to honor all parts of our emotional landscape, as they are all integral to our overall wellbeing and need to be given equal importance…Read&Listen More
key point 5 of 7
Companioning vs. treating: a new model of grief support
The approach of companioning versus treating presents a new model of grief support that centers around the idea of being present with a person in their pain, rather than attempting to ‘cure’ or ‘fix’ their grief. It is based on the understanding that grief is a normal and natural response to loss, rather than something pathological that needs to be treated. The companioning model encourages the supporter to walk alongside the grieving individual, providing a safe space in which they can express their feelings and share their experiences. This can often involve just sitting and being with the person, lending a listening ear and offering words of comfort, but never imposing one’s own beliefs or expectations on the grieving person. ..Read&Listen More
key point 6 of 7
The transformative power of grief
One of the key perspectives in the book highlights the transformative power of grief, explaining how it can serve as a catalyst for personal growth and change. The text suggests that a person’s response to loss can help shape their identity, leading to a profound reevaluation of self and life. Grief is portrayed not as a linear process to overcome, but as an ongoing experience that shapes and informs a person’s worldview. It is a long-term companion, capable of changing a person’s perspective, priorities, and sense of identity, rather than a temporary affliction to be ‘cured.’ ..Read&Listen More
key point 7 of 7
Grief isn’t a problem to be solved, but a presence awaiting recognition
Grief is often perceived as an affliction to be cured or a problem that needs to be solved. This perspective can lead to feelings of isolation, inadequacy, and even shame, in those who grieve, leading them to suppress their emotions in an attempt to appear ‘normal’ or ‘recovered’. But this view of grief as a problem to be solved is fundamentally flawed. Rather, it is a natural and important response to loss, a way for people to process their emotions, and a sign of their love for the person they have lost. It is not something to be hurried or dismissed but is a presence that needs recognition and acceptance…Read&Listen More