Never Split the Difference
An FBI negotiator’s field-tested approach to high-stakes negotiations.
Summary of 7 Key Points
Key Points
- The power of ‘No’ in negotiations
- Understanding the difference between ‘Fair’ and ‘Effective’
- The pivotal role of empathy in negotiation
- Tactical empathy and its application
- The ‘Ackerman Model’ for effective bargaining
- Using calibrated questions in negotiation
- Dealing with difficult and high-stake negotiations
key point 1 of 7
The power of ‘No’ in negotiations
Negotiation is a process of communication where each party involved seeks to achieve their goals. One of the most surprising elements of negotiation is the power of ‘No’. The use of ‘No’ isn’t about being negative or obstructive, but about establishing boundaries and maintaining control over the situation. It’s a powerful tool that can help you stand your ground and protect your interests when negotiating. It sets a limit to what you are willing to accept and can stop the other party from taking advantage of you…Read&Listen More
key point 2 of 7
Understanding the difference between ‘Fair’ and ‘Effective’
In the context of negotiations, there is a clear distinction between the notions of ‘fair’ and ‘effective’. The former is a subjective concept that varies from person to person, often tied to individual’s perception of justice, equity, and balance. ‘Fair’ is a word that is typically thrown around during negotiations to push the other party into a corner, making them feel guilty or obliged to agree with the terms being presented. It is a tactic that is designed to manipulate the emotional state of the opposite party and can often lead to resentment or dissatisfaction in the long term…Read&Listen More
key point 3 of 7
The pivotal role of empathy in negotiation
Negotiation is often viewed through a lens of strategy and tactics, but the concept of empathy occupies a pivotal role in the process. Empathy in this context is not just about being nice or feeling sorry for the other person. It is about understanding their emotions, desires, fears, and aspirations. It is about getting into their shoes and seeing the world from their perspective. Empathy allows us to grasp the underlying motivations that drive the other person’s actions and decisions. This deeper understanding can help us uncover hidden opportunities, build trust, and create win-win situations in negotiations…Read&Listen More
key point 4 of 7
Tactical empathy and its application
Tactical empathy is about understanding the feelings and mindset of another in the moment and also hearing what is behind those feelings so you increase your influence in all the moments that follow. It’s bringing our attention to both the emotional obstacles and the potential pathways to getting an agreement done. It’s emotional intelligence on steroids. ..Read&Listen More
key point 5 of 7
The ‘Ackerman Model’ for effective bargaining
The ‘Ackerman Model’ is a method for effective bargaining that revolves around the key principles of calibrated questioning, listening, and emotional intelligence. Rather than engaging in a confrontational bargaining process, the model emphasizes empathetic understanding and strategic concessions for successful negotiation. It begins with setting a target price, which is your ideal outcome. From there, you make your first offer at 65% of your target price. This drastic reduction is meant to anchor the negotiation in your favor, as it sets a lower expectation for the other party…Read&Listen More
key point 6 of 7
Using calibrated questions in negotiation
Using calibrated questions in negotiations as described in the book is a strategic approach to influence the course of the conversation without appearing aggressive or manipulative. Calibrated questions are those that cannot be answered with a simple ‘yes’ or ‘no’, instead, they require depth and thought. They typically tend to start with ‘how’ or ‘what’. They are designed to give the other party a sense of control while providing you with valuable information. It’s a less confrontational way of negotiation that encourages the other party to speak, share their thoughts, fears and hopes which can be used to direct the conversation effectively…Read&Listen More
key point 7 of 7
Dealing with difficult and high-stake negotiations
In high-stakes and difficult negotiations, it is crucial to understand the importance of empathetic listening. One must strive to put oneself in the shoes of another person, comprehending their needs, fears, desires, and aspirations. This empathetic approach allows for the establishment of trust and rapport between the negotiating parties, which is fundamental in achieving positive outcomes. Recognizing the emotional state of the other party can also assist in steering negotiations towards a mutually beneficial resolution…Read&Listen More