The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work Workbook
A practical guide for couples to fortify their marital bond and communication.
Summary of 7 Key Points
Key Points
- Enhancing Love Maps
- Fostering Fondness and Admiration
- Turning Towards Instead of Away
- Accepting Influence
- Solving Solvable Problems
- Overcoming Gridlock
- Creating Shared Meaning
key point 1 of 7
Enhancing Love Maps
Enhancing Love Maps involves developing a detailed understanding of your partner’s inner psychological world. It’s about knowing the intricate details of their life—not just the basic facts, but their hopes, dreams, fears, and what makes them tick. By having a comprehensive love map, couples can appreciate each other more deeply and navigate through life together more effectively. The love map is not static; it’s a living document that evolves as each partner grows and changes over time…Read&Listen More
key point 2 of 7
Fostering Fondness and Admiration
Fostering fondness and admiration is central to creating a long-lasting, resilient marriage. It involves recognizing and appreciating the positive qualities of one’s partner and expressing gratitude for the acts of kindness and love they show. This principle suggests that having a deep sense of respect for who your partner is as an individual is crucial for overcoming the inevitable difficulties that arise in a marriage. It’s about cherishing the person you’re with and not taking their good traits or actions for granted…Read&Listen More
key point 3 of 7
Turning Towards Instead of Away
Turning towards instead of away is a foundational concept that emphasizes the importance of how partners respond to each other’s bids for attention, affection, humor, or support. This principle is about the everyday moments that build or erode the emotional connection between partners. When one partner makes a bid, turning towards means acknowledging the bid and responding positively, whether it is with active engagement, supportive comments, or even non-verbal cues like a smile or a nod. This creates an atmosphere of trust and emotional support, strengthening the marriage…Read&Listen More
key point 4 of 7
Accepting Influence
Accepting influence is a concept described as the ability to be open to the ideas and opinions of one’s partner. It involves a willingness to take the other’s viewpoints and feelings into account and consider them as valid, even when they may differ from one’s own. The idea is that in a healthy relationship, both partners should be able to give and take, influencing each other in various aspects of their shared life. This means not only listening to your partner but also showing respect for their suggestions and needs, and being willing to compromise…Read&Listen More
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Solving Solvable Problems
Solving solvable problems is a principle that speaks to the idea that not all issues in marriage are deep-rooted or perpetual. Some problems can indeed be resolved with the right approach. The book emphasizes that the first step in solving solvable problems is to soften one’s approach. This means starting conversations without criticism or contempt but with a softened tone that invites collaboration and dialog. It is essential to avoid negative start-ups and to begin discussions calmly and respectfully, which sets a positive tone for problem-solving…Read&Listen More
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Overcoming Gridlock
Overcoming gridlock involves understanding that perpetual issues in a marriage often have a deep root in the individuals’ life dreams. Gridlock occurs when a couple becomes stuck in a conflict and cannot make headway, but the underlying cause is usually not about the specifics of the argument. Instead, it is about the life dreams that each partner holds. These dreams could be desires that individuals feel are not being acknowledged or respected by their partner…Read&Listen More
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Creating Shared Meaning
Creating shared meaning in marriage is about developing a deeper understanding and appreciation for each other’s beliefs, values, and dreams. It involves cultivating rituals of connection, such as having a special way to say goodbye in the morning or having a regular date night. These rituals become a fundamental part of the couple’s life together, offering predictability and comfort amidst the chaos of life. Shared meaning also incorporates supporting each other’s roles and goals, recognizing that each partner has individual as well as collective aspirations…Read&Listen More